One day at a time. What a load of bullshit. Ok I can make it today but what about tomorrow. I know there’s going to be a party. I’ll stop after the party I swear. Probably should pregame before the party. What are we doing tonight? I don’t have to work. I’m bored. Maybe I should take a nap I had a late night last night. Theres a couple of beers in the fridge, but that won’t last. Should probably go to the store before I crack one because I won’t be able to drive. Ehhhh I’ll make a couple of phone calls and someone will be down to drink they’ll bring some over. CRACK-POP! It’s 10am.
Sorry for putting you through that last paragraph, but welcome to my mind 12 years ago. Non-stop gears turning. Nothing positive. Always anxious for the next event. That last paragraph sums up approximately 5 years of my life. A spiderweb of shadows. One step toward clarity, five steps back toward darkness. What’s crazy is I didn’t see it. It crept on me like a fucking cheetah stalking it’s prey. I could go from 0-60 by the end of my first drink. The world’s most messed up rollercoaster. A complete Trainwreck.
It got to the point that my lifestyle was just who I was. I was always reliable to be that person to be down to party. It never crossed my mind that there was a problem because I was out with friends every night of the week. The problem was it was a different group of friends every night. I was the common denominator.
Then one morning it clicked. I woke up hungover and went to the fridge to get a beer before work and I asked myself what I was doing. It was the first time I questioned myself. I wasn’t raised this way. In fact my childhood was incredible and my family meant the world to me. I decided right then I needed to stop. I needed guidance and I needed a goal. I had no money. No future. No shame. What the hell was I doing?!!! I called my parents and I’m pretty sure this was a day they had been waiting for. “Mom I need help. I need to quit and I can’t do it on my own.”
I was a master manipulator and still to this day can read people better than most. My parents saw right though my bullshit. The offer was they would support any decision I made to get sober but I was doing the legwork.
Well 10 years later and I’m still practicing that stupid phrase. One day at a time. I set a goal and I’m demolishing it.
Thanks for reading!